ten months

It's been awhile since my last post and there really hasn't been much to blog about. My running was going nowhere since the half marathon on ran. I was just plain worn out. Work has kept me more than busy over the last few months and I just got to the end of my rope. Something had to give, and it was my running. Unfortunately, that's not so good when running allows me a stress release.

It was during the last few weeks or so that I realized what a lousy friend I am. I can't tell you the last time I've run with any of my friends, talked to any of my friends, or even commented on their Facebook page. I can't figure out what happened. I suppose life does go on and things change, and sometimes, friends drift apart -- their paths just aren't going in the same direction.

Ten months ago my life changed forever and it will never be the same. I've dealt with everything in my own way because everyone is different and needs to grieve in their own way. Initially for me it was trying to get back a sense of normalcy. That meant work. It was sure easy to jump back in and focus on getting a job done. The only problem with that is it is too easy to just do that. Grief will wait. It won't go away. It waits until your guard is down or you deal with it.

I felt so alone when Everett died. My heart felt empty and life seemed to have little meaning. If it were not for Lilli and Steph life would be pretty dull. I had to deal with a grief different than anyone else's. I was the father, I was supposed to be strong. I wasn't even sure how I was supposed to grieve. I lost a son, but nothing prepared me for this. I leaned on the one thing that gave me a way to deal with all the emotions. I ran. Running gave me the normalcy I needed, an outlet for stress and alone time to clear my head and work through my emotions. There were many early morning runs under the stars that I ran and felt that Everett was looking down on me. On one of my early morning runs I came up with the idea of running a race in his memory. Run 4 Everett was born and it will be run in just two months.

I am now just beginning training for a fall marathon. It's been 4 years since my last one and it is time to get back into it. I have a lot of reservations about even trying to train for one. I am going at it alone -- well Everett will be with me (and I am sure I'll have Lilli with in in the jog stroller) and it takes so much time, but I feel that I really need to do one, to be able to focus on my running.

So here it goes... my first run was 3 miles this morning, tomorrow will be a 5 miler. Stay tuned for my progress as I Run for Everett.

--Dave