a quick 5 miles at sunset

After a busy weekend, I was able to break away for a quick 5 mile run. The temperature was perfect and the sunset was just starting to set, but I felt awful... yet somehow I pulled out an 8:33/mile average. Running seems to be going well this week, so we'll see how it goes. I'd like to keep building on the recent "successes" I've been having. My pace has all been sub 9:00's this week, which has been great. Just need to keep that up as I stretch out the mileage from here on out.

the run that almost didn't happen

After a week of almost no running, I was determined to start the week (and month) off with a run. It didn't begin well this morning when the alarm went off and I could not get out of bed, but plan 'b' was enacted and I packed my clothes and took them to work with me with plans to run at lunch time.
It was a busy morning - one meeting after another and I had a million things to do today, so I almost caved and didn't go for a run, but at the last minute I got out of my chair and walked out of the office, deciding that my run was every bit as important as work. And you know what? It is. I mean, the week I didn't run I was miserable. I did not sleep well, I was stressed and felt uninspired. So what I really needed was a good, hard run. So I headed to the gym in the office park, got on the "dreadmill" and hammered out almost 4 miles on a hill routine. I ran until I was tired, then ran some more. It felt so good when I was done.

all time low

My running has been anything but consistent the past year. I think I am at an all time low on my annual mileage, which in turn has me in a funk still. Work is keeping me too busy and I keep thinking of all the projects I have not finished or even started yet at home. I definitely put too much on my plate this year. With only one more potential somewhat long race for the year (a 15k trail race in November) I am hoping to gain some momentum as we head into the winter months. I actually love running in snow, so I hope it is a snowy winter.
Now, to set my sights on a spring race... would like to run another marathon, and I think training through the winter would be different. Maybe Flying Pig Marathon? Maybe just running the DINO trail run series... choices, choices. Need to decide soon, so I can start training. Feel I need to get that consistency back again.

Moving Forward

Life goes on...

Well, yeah, it does, doesn't it? Even when we don't want it to right away. So, after 2 months, my running is getting back to a routine - something I needed for sure. A trip out to Arizona turned out to be almost a bust when it came to running. I packed both road and trail shoes, had gear for all elements, but eked out only two short runs (though it was at high altitude and on hills). Needless to say, my hopes of getting back out on the trails there were never realized.
The week after we got back did not offer much hope of my running coming back, but this week I hope I have turned a corner. I have inspiration again. My wife and I have decided to organize a race next August in memory of Everett, with all proceeds going to a charity that deals with stillbirth. I'm excited and a little nervous to take this on, but I think it will be a positive thing that we can have each year.
Now I just need to figure out how to organize this...

My Worst Day

It's been forever since I posted anything - especially remotely related to running, so please bare with me on this post as well. I don't even know if anyone will read this, but it is more for me at this point anyway.
As you may know, I announced back in March that we were expecting. As the date came closer, I became consumed with projects that needed to be finished up around the house before the birth. It became increasingly more difficult in the last 4-5 weeks as my wife was in and out of the hospital because "things" didn't look great - they weren't awful, but not where doctors wanted things to be. In late July, my wife was hospitalized for 3 days for monitoring, only to be released, no delivery - this was at 33 1/2 weeks. Doctors didn't want to deliver too soon unless it was too dangerous for baby in womb. More tests and ultrasounds every other day, though sometimes twice in the same day, and similar results. Lots of concern on our end, because doctors were concerned, but not really acting on those concerns.
Two weeks ago, I thought we were actually going to deliver, but once again we got sent home. A consulting doctor didn't want to deliver at 35 weeks because of concern of lung development - even though my wife was given steroids a week and a half prior for just that. So another doctor appointment on Monday, once again similar results, then an amniocenteses was done on Tuesday morning to actually check lung development. Results came back towards end of day -- surprise! the lungs were 100% developed. So She was scheduled to come in that night to be induced. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30, where my wife felt a big movement while waiting to be taken up to room. Fifteen minutes later, nurses were putting the doppler monitor on her, but could not find a heart beat. After 3 different ultrasound machines were used, it was determined that our little boy had died in utero.
Instant shock and devastation set in. We were horrified. How?! Why?!
In trying to cope with all of this I have lost my way. I am working so hard to keep things together. A huge outpouring of love and support from family and friends is helping. My wife and I talk about our feelings to one another, and we still have our beautiful little girl who needs us and is also helping us get through this.
But yet my grief and sorrow and stress is still here. I feel helpless at times. I need to feel "normal" again, yet it feels selfish. I want to run. I NEED to run. But I can't seem to find the desire to get out the door and I think if I could run, it would help with a lot of things, though not solve them.
They say time will heal all things. I don't know how long it will be, but I do know that I will eventually get back to running and I will be running a race in my son's name... Everett Eric.