Thoughts On Being A Dad

I sit here thinking about the last 10+ months of my Life. Wow, how crazy it has all been. It has been the hardest, but most rewarding time - I can't imagine anything topping this.

Sometimes I struggle with not having my own time anymore. When I do it is in the wee hours of the morning as I run through the darkness, or it is at work (yeah right). I actually enjoy my runs a lot in the morning. I am alone with only my thoughts and it is comforting to be alone - sounds strange and a little selfish I suppose, but it works for me.

The wonderful thing about being a dad (for now at least) is that Lilli thinks I am a rockstar. She smiles every time she sees me and holds her arms out for me to hold her. "wow" it makes me feel important. I can have a stressful or bad day at work, but when I walk through the door at home or pick her up at day care I see this:

and I just melt and whatever happened at work doesn't matter anymore.

She'll eventually learn that I'm a dork and she'll probably not smile every time she sees me, but for now I am cherishing every minute of it. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world.

finally...

It has been a long and tiring week, but Lillian is coming home tomorrow! The doctor has cleared her and she has passed all of her tests with flying colors. We spent the afternoon with her and came home for a nap before we have to go to a work function for Steph... she's feeling guilty about this, but this is very important to her because they are honoring a former client whom she helped and it was planned long before Lilli decided to come early, but it still isn't making it any easier (and her work is not been as understanding as one might think)... hopefully it will be a quick ceremony and then it is back home for our last chance at sleep - something that neither one of us have really had all week.

Both of us are excited, but nervous about bringing her home. We are both doubting our ability to be good parents - why? I guess because we have never been parents and this is for keeps and she is just so tiny... but I am pretty confident it will be fine once we get in a routine. I am going to get something worked out with my job to see if I can work from home for a few days to help ease the transition.

With Lillian being early, we have found ourselves a little caught off guard. We have to finish organizing the kitchen still, but her nursery is all set (even though she'll be in a bassinette in our room - initially anyway).

Lots of other little things that I didn't get to, but none of them important at this time. When they say "You're never ready" it is true. Nothing can prepare you to be ready to have a baby - you just learn to adapt and be flexible.

I'll be honest - I'm a little scared, but my excitement outweighs my fear.

That is all for now. I'll post more as time allows. Tonight's mission is to get the best sleep possible.

sex and six

Do I have your attention?

Steph ended up going to the doctor yesterday to be checked out - she had a concern and they decided to do another ultrasound to make sure everything looked alright. This time "Squishy" cooperated and we found out that we will be having a baby girl :)

On the running front, I got out for my 6 mile run - no rain, and not terribly humid, though I did sweat quite a bit... an easy recovery run tonight (hopefully) and then try to squeeze in 12 miles this weekend... busy, busy...

18 week update

This is a photo from our doctor appointment two weeks ago (18 weeks along). We are actually now at 20 weeks and a day... Unfortunately we could not determine gender of baby much to my disappointment, but from certain measurements that they took, they feel there is a strong chance it is a girl. But since we are not sure 100% we have given the baby a nickname for the time being... we're calling it "squishy" since it seems so squished up... the good news is that mother and baby are healthy and everything looks great.

hoosier daddy

So here's my big annoucement... I'm going to be a dad... *big smile*

Steph is 14 weeks along and is due December 5th. We'll hopefully know the sex in 6 more weeks...